So many relationships!
How they support us (or not) and shift over time
In June we’ve been looking at the relationships in our lives. We’ve examined the longest one we’ll ever have — with ourselves — and zoomed way out to casual acquaintances and how they are important, too. This week, we’ll start looking at everything in-between.
When we consider at the state of our relationships (see the worksheet below to dive deeper into this!) it is important to remember that we have limited time and energy amidst all we are doing every day. It can be helpful to think about what relationships we want to focus on — which make us feel more supported, joyful, and connected.
Last week, when we reflected on the role of casual acquaintances in our lives, you shared that they can be uplifting and remind us of our humanity. The “hellos” of neighbors can bolster us after a tantrum-filled morning. These simple interactions can also be draining if we put a lot of ourselves “out there” and don’t get a lot back. This can happen with our family, friends, and partners as well. We may notice that we have relationships that feel unequal or unsupportive and choose to spend less of our time and energy toward those.
It’s also important to remember that there will be different people for different purposes. Some will listen to our deepest thoughts. Others will share interests like playing sports, taking an art class, going dancing, or taking a walk together. There will be situational friends like co-workers who share our office spaces. Siblings we may be close to or just reminisce with over the holidays. Someone who always makes you belly laugh.
Mom friends are unique in that they can be many of these things! We can talk about our deepest thoughts, share how-to’s of potty training, and help each other remember other parts of ourselves outside of parenting.
And as we grow and change, our relationships will, too. From coworkers and friends to our partner and family, at different times we have different needs, and different people to support us through our current life stage.
Practice
Notice where you are spending your time and energy. Here are a few things to consider:
Are you interacting too much with a nosy neighbor and not enough with your elderly aunt?
Are there ways you can interact more with the people with whom you want to spend more time with, who give back to you as much as you give to them?
Are there others you can do without spending so much time and energy with and find ways to respectfully create boundaries with so you have more time for those you want to be with more?
Resource
Use the State of Our Relationships worksheet to visualize your levels of satisfaction or dissatisfaction with your relationships: with yourself; your family including your family of origin, your nuclear family, extended family and chosen family; long-term and new friendships; co-workers, neighbors and acquaintances; and your kids and partners.
